*going back to Menlo*

I found this picture tonight. Funny how the memory forgets... and all it takes is a picture to trigger so many things... smells, taste, touches, emotions. This picture feels like California air that smells like blossoms and feels warm and damp. Sunshine. Its dirt between my toes and moss instead of grass. It smells like sweet new babies and sounds like smiling little boys saying "choo choo". It feels like the emotional roller coaster of being a new mommy-- fresh, energetic and so ... overwhelming... but not always in a bad way. It's Cafe Barrone and hot chocolate on the cafe while kids play in the fountain. It's walking to the park and trying to get in the library while avoiding eye contact with the bum who guards the door and plays the flute. Breakfast at Hobee's on a Saturday. It's walks and talks with close friends on the playground or around the neighborhood. It's blossoms on the Laurel trees and springtime in January. It's exercise routines initiated and abandoned. It's making a garden with dear neighbors and lining it with bits of pottery dug from the soil. It's eating patty pan squash from said garden with salt and pepper and a bit of butter. It's Filoli Gardens in the spring. It's the beach a 30 minute drive away. It's a tiny apartment with mishap decorations that made it... perfect. It's the joy of a first dishwasher. It's two babies welcomed into the world - a boy and a girl. It's all of us learning to be mother, father, sister, brother. Here's where it started.

I am heading back to CA for a short stint with the hubby without kids. I haven't been back since I left 3 years ago-- and part of me is sad to go. Not sad... but lets see if I can explain. It's happened to me before... You live in a place and that place is warm- filled with people, experiences, friendships, routine, LIFE... and then you leave. And your mind keeps it all packaged up tight with a nice string wrapped tightly around it and everything is just as you left it... and then you go back years later and it's like opening the package and finding it empty... Everything has changed... even you. People have moved on... just like you. And you kind of wish you'd never opened it... just left it as it was.

****

Well, it's gotta happen some time. I've decided to revisit the past and see the sweet ghosts of my babies running around naked in the yard of 1035 Laurel Street. If anyone would like to join me for lunch I'll be at the Cafe, sipping hot chocolate and eating a gouda sandwich on Wed. November 18 at noon. Look for the girl with a few more lines in her face, a few more gray hairs, a world of experiences under her belt, and the same smile you remember from 3 years ago.