*pure entertainment*

We have a pest problem. Connecticut is one big forest and all the critters are trying to reclaim their home. Raccoons in the garbage, ants in the house, mice in the kitchen... I am going crazy. Then the other day we are sitting in the front yard, kids are catching fireflies, Eli and I are sitting in the grass enjoying the evening when we are attacked by yellow jackets! Sam is screaming bloody murder and then two land on Eli while I am holding him. I was able to swat one off his arm but one went straight for his head and stung him. He got a golf ball sized welt and it was really red- I was worried. But the swelling went down within the hour. Sam also got stung twice. Mia and I made it out unscathed. I couldn't figure out why they just attacked. Well, Sam found their nest. It's in our grass-- right near where I was sitting with the baby. Nice.



So, you want some entertainment? I was looking on an Ivillage Forum about how get rid of yellow jackets and was rolling by the end of it. I'll share a few "choice" methods. Names changed to make fun of, I mean, protect the innocent.

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Bubba from West Virginia sure started a buzz when he posted this:

My way of getting rid of the yellow jackets cheap and easy is to find the hole in the ground and place something on the ground just inches from it. Wait until an hour after dark for them to all get in for the night. Next take an empty coke bottle, fill it with gasoline, take a flashlight and something to go over the hole like a piece wood board about 6 in to cover the hole, then quickly put the neck of the bottle in the hole till empty, then move it and cover the hole with the wood. Next AM move the board they are all dead.

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Just in case you were thinking about trying Bubba's great idea, here are some of the replies he received:

hmmm - does that include igniting the gasoline?

--- Pouring gasoline into a hole in the ground is not something you should do. Unlike other products that could be used for this distastful job, it contaminates the soil for a very long time. Let's just call it waaaaay overkill for the task.
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I agree that pouring gas into the hole is a bad idea. I did that before I knew better. While it does work for over a year if I dug anywhere near that area I could smell the gas. Was really scary.
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Please don't ever try to light gasoline! (I hope you were just joking about igniting it Gumpy). My uncle had a small fire going and wanted to make it burn faster. He threw some gasoline on it and the fire traveled back toward him on the fumes and burned his face very badly. His head looked like a marshmallow that had been roasted.
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Once when we were visiting in summer my father in law found a yellow jacket nest under some firewood he had left stacked by the back of his house. Under the 2nd floor guest room window. So he poured a load of gasoline down the yellow jacket nest opening, killed them for sure, and that night no one could sleep, from the awful fumes coming up into the BR windows.Next day we made him dig out all his contaminated soil & bag it up for disposal (he probably just threw it in the trash)--he was grumbling all the time -- his bedroom was on the other side of the house!

Ok, so putting gasoline in the hole is a bad idea. Lighting the gas, even worse. Noted.
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This next suggestion from Hoover sounds creative (he also had input about the gas idea- these forums are kind of like teaching the Sunbeams- everyone has to tell their story):

When I was a kid my parents had a lot of land in Illinois and we always encountered yellow jackets. We would use the gasoline in the hole and light it worked perfectly and was a bit fun. But now a day in American subdivisions and everybody going green it is not environmentally safe nor was it when I was a kid.

So I have had a basement full of yellow jackets it was a huge swarm, I simply put on my ski gear including face mask and took a strong shop vacuum and sucked all the buggers up. Then sprayed wasp spray into the shop vacuum.

That sounds like a great idea Hoover! Can I pay you $100 to come to my house and do that just so I can watch?

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The next suggestion is from Rainbow in Vermont. She seems like a very calm person.

The important thing is to stay calm so you use very little spray and get them real good. Being nervous and excited I have seen people go through several cans of long distance wasp spray and get almost none when calm and a little short distance mosquito spray works wonders.

Obviously with a dangerous mission it is good to put on heavy cloths to protect yourself. But I rarely do so. I just stay calm and get the buggers.

There are some nasty hornets that make big round paper nests in bushes and trees. I recommend the longer spray. stay calm. a little on the nest then go away. they will all be gone next day. I can recommend protection from these guys. much worse than the simple yellow jackets. some are black and white etc. some are very nasty. But stay calm and wait to the next day.

bye the way. dumping gasoline on the ground is against the law. It contaminates the ground water for decades. NO GAS ON THE GROUND.

Getting rid of yellow jackets and hornets is 99% mental attitude. no poisons needed. stay calm. the problem is yourself your overwhelming fear not the bugs.

OK. The problem is me, not the buggers. Got it. Stay calm. Sing songs to the bees. Make them a cup of tea, then kill them. Thanks Rainbow!

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The next idea comes from Bubba's cousin, Coon.

If you are sufficiently in the country that you have skunks or 'coons around, esp. the skunks, then if you put a bait nearby, like raw chicken, they might dig out the nest for you, looking for grubs/larvae. I have had something, which I assume was a skunk, dig up a wasp or ground bee nest on my property. I found the evidence, but it wasn't a very big nest.

Let the Varmints do the job for me! Now that's cheap labor! Thanks, Coon.

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Some people, like Wibur here, just like to record their observations for anyone who is interested.

The yellow jackets I have been watching a ground dwellers and very very busy. If you are close to the area where they, you should be able to see them coming & going. Literally launching & landing almost non-stop. They are busier than JFK or O'hare airports. That is no lie.

I have been watching in true amazement, 3-4 coming & going at all times. NO crashes. They simply do NOT crash into each other. And we sophisticated humans can't seem to have two helicopters in the air w/o crashing into each other.

No. Not busier than JFK. Can't be true. Maybe we should hire the yellow jackets to fly our helicopters from now on.

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Bobby Joe from Washington has a creative idea:

I use the sticky fly strips. Pull the strip out and let the little tube on the end of the strip rest on top of the hole. Let go of the end and the strip will collapse into a ball of loosely twisted fly strip, then run like h___. The few YJs that come out will get stuck on the strip and raise a ruckus. The rest of the hive will attack the strip. Once they are all stuck, you can safely dispose of it. Yellow Jackets, Wasps and Hornets destroy many of my apples every year.

He'd do anything for his apples.

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The best part of all of this is picturing these people trying their different techniques. HA! So are you wondering which technique I will use? There are so many more... like sticking a hose down the hole. Or using pesticide fog. or putting a bowl over the hole and trapping them in. I think I like Tom's advice the best:

Forget all these methods. Call a pro, get it done right and get some sleep.

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But I have to say... where's the fun in that, Tom? I'll keep you posted on what happens to the "little buggers" in my front yard.