I had one of "those" trips to Target today. The store experience has definitely ramped up since I had my 3rd kiddo. So I decided to get the "mother cart"-- you know the one, half space-ship/half cart. I think they should add a special category on drivers' licenses for those carts. Plus, as if we don't attract enough attention as it is, just the rumbling and quaking from the cart turns even more heads. "Watch out everybody! Thar she blows!" So that was mistake numero uno. Instead of sitting quietly, buckled in their seats, the kids decided mother cart works great as a jungle gym and launch pad. So of course I am blustering non-threatening threats to the kids, who didn't care a lick. "HEY! If you don't stop climbing... I'm gonna..." (Looks of 'you're gonna what?' shot from both kids as they continue climbing.) So anyway, Eli decides that instead of sleeping (how can he sleep with all the rumbling from the mother cart and antics of bro and sis?) he will cry... unless I hold him. So now I am stuck pushing mother cart one handed. [Start circus music] Then enters rude woman. I am looking at something- one eye on merchandise one eye spotting kids climbing, when rude lady says, "ahem". I turn to her with crossed eyes and she says, "I'd like to get by." You know that Dr Seuss story where the two guys sit there and face each other because no one will go around? Well, I was thinking about it. [In my head, "go around you fat cow!"] In real life, I moved and gave her a withering look. Why couldn't she go around? We are in a skinny isle and my boat took up the whole thing, yes. But why can't she take the skinny isle that leads to the other skinny isle and give me a break? Enter nice lady in the shoe dept. "Your children are so well behaved! I never dared take my three out at once." (As Mia starts crying because I won't buy her a pair of shoes and Sam does a somersault off the cart and Eli blows out of his diaper and leaks poop onto my hand" Sure, lady.) A feeble "Thank you" (for trying to make me feel better) and an escape to the exit. In my head, "Pay and go, pay and go, pay and go..." Our Target is a multi-level beauty with a parking garage on lower levels. Well, for the life of me I can't remember what floor we're on. So I make a guess and get off the elevator. Rush to the car. Thump! "Wahhhh!..." Woops. Ran into Sam with the cart. There goes my license. So I say sorry, give him a hug and start lecturing him about walking in front of the cart as an amused Target worker out for his smoke break watches. As I lecture I start pushing again and, Thump! "Wahhh!" Woops. Took out Mia. Target worker VERY amused. So I load them all in, everyone for once sitting in the seats, crying their eyes out, but in the seats when I realize... our car isn't on this level. Great. So I had to walk by the Target worker, without making eye contact, and get back on the elevator. I was waiting for the guy to jump up and say, "Smile! you're on candid camera!" But he didn't and then I realized, this isn't candid camera, this is my life. And I smiled. And then I went home and cried.
21 comments:
I love it!!! I've so had days like that. It does get a little easier. You would have totally been within your legal rights to claim right of way in the aisle. Next time say, "No, go around," with a big fat smile.
Would it be totally weird if I said I was slightly jealous? You always want what you don't have- even if it means joining the circus.
Hahaha! I know I shouldn't be laughing, but WOW! It doesn't matter if you're in Swissland or the US, people are just sometimes out of control with their rudeness. I can always tell who has had kids from how they are with other ones. Hope you're doing better now. Miss you!
Ok this post made me cry - not just because I have had similar experiences, but also because I am going to Target after lunch! There is nothing like dreading an event even before it begins...
But - I have to say, I would rather have lots of kids no matter how crazy it get sometimes;)
That was so well written! I could picture the whole scene. It had me laughing and crying. I dread going to the store with my 2 children, young mothers should be given free Target delivery!
PLEASE write a book some day!? I love reading your stories. I tried to "retell" one of your funny stories today to a friend, and well, let's just say, it wasn't quite the same effect. You are the very best writer I know! I just miss you!
Rach
LOVE IT
Everytime I take the kids out I think, why did I do this. And then I do it again the next week.
I love Target!
But that definitely does not sound like a positive experience.
I loved reading your story though!
I don't even know how to tell you how much I needed a laugh at your expense tonight. I have had a circus of a day and have been beside myself on how I am going to handle ALL 3 of these monkeys. I laughed out loud about 6 different times while reading this, not because I am laughing at your life necessarily, but because it makes me see the humor in my own. I now realize that is the only way to survive with sanity...laugh it up. So a big fat THANK YOU for making me laugh!! and PS...I wish we could hang out...
Hey- well at least the lady was barking at you in English... well maybe German is better after all... since we can't understand what they are getting at and we can just stand there and play dumb :)
I so pre-lived this experience at Walmart a few weeks ago. @&#$ those stupid carts! It only takes once to know they are WAY more trouble than they are worth. My kids don't quite understand why when they ask for the mongo cart I say with vehemence "NO! Never again!" You are not alone. I feel your pain. Thanks for sharing it with all of us so we can laugh.
Hi there, - I'm a lurker friend of Shonda's & I gotta say you tell a great story. Your kiddos are adorable & just getting out of the house with all 3 of them makes the trip a success no matter what shape you all return in!
I'm crying too!!! But I don't think for the same reason. It's 4:30am and I can't sleep. This was great mroning reading. Unfortunately or fortunately it sounds exactly like my life! (minus the smiling target worker on smoke break).
Oh Alyssa! I feel your pain sister! With 4 kiddos ages 4-6 I have similar experiences and wonder why the heck did I leave my house in the first place.
You'd think as they get older, they'd listen better OR are easily bribbed, but no such luck!
Hang in there! :)
um, can i cut and copy that entire post into my blog so as to save me from the work. only I would substitute 3 kids for 2! Seriously the saying, "i can relate" doesn't express how I felt while reading that. I guess some things are universal... like going to target with kids... why do we try and why are people so facinated with mothers with children in public?
Alyssa...I love you. I love you, because you keep it real.
P.S. My kids call that cart 'the gymnastics cart.' I hate that cart. I hate it because what they call it is exactly what they do to it, but if I don't get it, they start screaming before we even start shopping. I hate that cart.
thanks for the laugh - i've definitely been there!
Thanks for the story. I felt like I could hear the circus music as I read it.
Oh don't you know...my kids are ban from Target when they hit 15 months. No one under the age of 4 is allowed to go to target. The same rule applies to Home Depot. Your story is the exact reason why. If only you had gotten popcorn at Target and then the kids spilled all overwhile fighting over the slurpee, then I would have cried with you as well. FYI the space ship carts were not created my a mother with three kids. They were created by a father who thought it was actually possible to take 3 kids to target. He obviously had never done it before! :)
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