*the skinny*

So yesterday I learned something new about my house.

Background:
It's kind of an old house. I don't know when this house was built. But the front door knob is the original hardware. There is no keyhole on the doorknob itself- just a deadbolt a little higher.
also...
Jared works in New York City-- best case scenario about an hour+ away and has the only other keys to our house.

So anyway, I the kids were outside and I ran out to get them- shutting the front door in the process. A few minutes later, coat less and key less- I try to get back inside. I am sure you can guess what happened. So magically, our front door locks the bottom lock from the outside automatically when you shut the door- even if the deadbolt is unlocked. Lovely.

If anyone has ever been locked out with kids it's a treat. "Just open the door, mom." "I want to go inside". "Why did you leave the keys inside? That wasn't very smart, Mom."
Suddenly, kids are cold. Suddenly the kids are hungry. Suddenly the kids are whiny.

Luckily (somehow) I had my cellphone in my pocket just in case my McGyver skills didn't work out. All the windows on the first floor were locked- they are also new which adds a level of difficulty. Then I noticed the basement windows. Small- yes. Old- yes. Spiderwebs- yes. Behind the bushes- yes. My only chance- yes.

So I start rustling around in the bushes and manage to get to the first basement window. Magically, it pops right open with prodding from the bottom on my foot. Unfortunately, it was partially blocked by the heating unit- so there is a crack just large enough to fit a small child though...hmmmm.
"Sam, will you shimmy through this hole, past the spiderwebs, and drop about 5 feet to the floor into the dark basement, run up the creaky creepy stairs and unlock the front door?" I even used the line (literally) "You will be the superhero of my LIFE!" No luck. "No way, Mom."

Bushwhacking to the next window. There were only two more windows and one was about half the size of the other two- so pretty much my last chance was looking me in the face. I had an old screen on it which I proceeded to rip out - much to my children's alarm. "Mommm, I don't think you are supposed to do that." "Mumble mumble...curse under breath...don't care," from mom. So I ripped that sucker out, nudged the window forcefully with my foot- and miracle of all miracles it opened. Now I just had to shimmy through the window, belly down, 20 weeks pregnant. No sweat. (Luckily I hadn't been any further along... it was a bit of a stretch.) That part wasn't too bad until I was half way through with my legs hanging down reaching for something to get down on and a large spider with a bulbous body crawls past my arm- which is holding on for dear life and has nowhere else to go- meanwhile I feel something wet being smashed on the underside of my other arm and picture the mate of said spider dying on me and squishing venom as a last defense. HULLIGDIGIGYUHHHHH. (seriously, say that word aloud. It's the sound you make when you shudder.) As soon as I dropped to the floor I did the spider dance that anyone who doesn't like spiders as much as I don't does after such an encounter. Seriously, even the shirt came off.

The kids waiting patiently at the back door for the crazy lady cheered when I came up the stairs and unlocked the door. Whew.

Time to make a copy of the key and hide it in a totally obvious place on the front porch so that robbers can come in through the front door instead of having to go through what I just did.